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September 17, 2013

She Stole My Future, She Broke My Dream, I'll Kill Her

Photos by: Efe Güler
Lace Shirt, Chicwish* // Skirt, Bershka // Heels & Cross Necklace, Thrifted. 
BLACK IS THE NEW BLACK  Let me begin my text with promising you that I'm far beyond my emo years, not that I have anything against them. I had this period in my life where I thought painting my eyes like the racoon's, wearing spiked and chained clothes and wearing way too many black nail polish somehow made me look cooler and I gotta admit that there are thousands of people who nails this look, but it only made me look ridiculous. For one reason, I was only in sixth grade and I blame the whole "teenage" concept for that. Black helped me though. It was also the time when I realised I had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Now, don't let that bolded line make you terrify me, it's nothing sort of a disorder, or anything. Trust me.

SİYAH, YENİ OLAY  Bu posta, emo yıllarımı geride bıraktığıma söz vererek başlamak istiyorum, emolara karşı hiçbir şeyim olmamasına rağmen. Hayatımda, gözlerimi bir rakununki kadar boyamanın, sivri aksesuarlar ve zincirler takmanın, ve çok fazla siyah oje sürmenin beni cool gösterdiğini düşünürdüm, ve itiraf etmeliyim ki bu görünümü çok güzel kullananlar var, ama bende inanılmaz komik duruyordu. Bunun bir nedeni, sadece altıncı sınıfta olmamdı ve bütün bu "ergen" konseptini sorumlu tutuyorum. Siyah bana yardımcı oldu gerçi. Bu süreç, aynı zamanda Sınırdaki Kişilik Bozukluğu (SKB) diye bir "sorunumun" olduğunu öğrendiğim zamandı. Şimdi benden korkmayın lütfen, gerçekten bir "rahatsızlık" falan değil bu. Güvenin bana.
What Borderline Personality Disorder means in similar terms, is going through a tougher period in your teens years. It is not something like a Bipolar Disorder where the feelings come and go, but is basically depicts an unstable person, in terms of emotions. We're not always sure on what we want to do, even what we feel, but it surely opens a lot of doors if you could turn the incidents around and see it from a positive side. It also means that you constantly fear of abandonment, thinking as people will leave you behind and forget who you are. I guess you know one other reason of why I blog, now? People with BPDs tend to have this black-and-white thinking, meaning that if one thing isn't this, then it's that. You can't have the middle. We live in extremes, we feel extreme. Now I know that all this is not how I usually portray myself in here, and it has a reason. This "disease" or whatever you call it, is something that people can process overtime and suppress. I did that with the help of the most amazing friends and the most supportive family.   Now that I think of it, it was more like a phase to me. I've also known a lot of Bipolars and BPDs, because it's more common than you think and they're the most loveliest people on Earth, they're far more normal than people with stables minds.
You can't hide who you are, and even if you could, I don't see the point of why you should. I'm not ashamed. I've learned so much out of this period. I value people in so many other ways, and can actually relate to people who are going through a hard time in their lives. And helping them is surely the best feeling that is there. 

Sınırdaki Kişilik Bozukluğu basitçe, daha zor bir ergenlik geçirmek demek. Bipolarlar gibi hislerin gelip geçici olduğu bir durum değil bu, daha çok duygusal anlamda stabil olamamak. Her zaman ne istediğimizden emin değiliz, neler hissettiğimizden bile, ama eğer olaylara pozitif yönden bakmayı öğrenirsek gerçekten önünüze birçok fırsat çıkabiliyor. Bu şeye sahip olmak, aynı zamanda sürekli terk edileceğinizi düşünmek demek, insanların sizi bırakıp, unutacağını. Neden blog yazdığıma dair bir başka neden daha. SKB'li insanlar aynı zamanda siyah-beyaz bir düşünce yapısına sahipler, eğer bir şey, öyle değilse, böyledir. Ortası olamaz. Biz extremlerde yaşarız, extrem hissederiz. Biliyorum ki, kendimi blogumda böyle göstermiyorum, ve bunun bir nedeni var. Bu "bozukluk" ya da artık ne derseniz, zamanla bastırıp, üstesinden gelebileceğiniz bir durum. Ben bunu dünyadaki en iyi arkadaşlar ve her zaman bana destek olan ailemin sayesinde yaptım. ♡ Şimdi geriye dönüp baktığımda, bu benim için sadece bir evreydi. Aynı zamanda bir sürü Bipolar ve SKB'li insan tanıdım, bunlar sandığınızdan daha da yaygın ve inanın bana, stabil kafalı insanlardan çok daha normal ve sevilesiler.
Kim olduğunuzu saklayamazsanız, saklasanız bile, neden bunu yapasınız ki? Ben utanmıyorum. Bu süreçten oldukça fazla şey öğrendim. İnsanlara diğerlerinden çok daha farklı bir açıdan değer verebiliyorum, ve kötü zamanlardan geçen insanların neler hissettiklerini tam olarak anlayabiliyorum. Ve inanın bana, onlara yardımcı olmak bu dünyadaki en güzel his. 
Do you know someone with similar "Disorders"?
Buna benzer "Bozuklukları" olan birilerini tanıyor musunuz? Bu arada bozukluk ne kadar çirkin bir kelime.

18 comments:

  1. You look stunning, love these photos :)

    Do you want to follow each other, let me know?!

    http://danadimitras.blogspot.it/

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  2. Amazing photos!
    effortlesslady.blogspot.ca

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  3. Hi there! great work, I really like reading and checking your blog! ;)

    Come visit mine if you want, and let me know what you think!

    http://comeclothesval.blogspot.it

    x, Val.

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    1. Thanks Valentina! I'll check your blog right away xx

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  4. You look gorgeous and your photos are so beautiful!

    jointyicroissanty.blogspot.com

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  5. This dress is so pretty! Oh my, YOU ARE SO PRETTY! :*

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    1. This is not even a dress, but thank you anyway...

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  6. Amazing outfir. You look so sexy and pretty! I like your blog. Maybe you can visit my blog and follow me in gfc and bloglovin.
    x

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    1. Thank you so much dear, I'd love to that! xx

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  7. I would have never thought you have a past like that because you are such a sweet and genuine person - which is one of the reasons I've always loved your blog! However, now knowing it makes me love your personality even more. It's so admirable that now you're much happier and overcome that period in your life :) There is so much amazing things around us and I'm so happy you are noticing it now as well! You are great <3

    xoxo

    www.zerxzastyle.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much, it really means a lot. :) BPDs are very sweet as well, it's when they're alone that they're not. It feels great to come clean about this, thanks once again. Have a great one! :) <3

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  8. YES! More black, love it :) I don't think all black is emo at all! (Maybe I'm just saying that cause I always dress in all black haha).

    And I think it's cool of you to open up about BPD :) Is that why you chose psychology? I don't know anyone with BDP, but I do have someone close to me that has Bipolar, and it is no joke.

    Zauni | The Kind Side

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    1. Hahah exactly! Black is one of my favourite colour in terms of clothing as well. It's one of the main reasons let's say, but there are way too many reasons. :) Exactly, those people need more support from their surroundings...

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