The past couple of weeks has been really tough. I've been looking forward to coming to Istanbul,
hoping that it would ease my mind. It did that for quite a while, I reunited with my best friends,
my family, I was no longer a stranger even though I never felt quite at home in Istanbul, the
city I was born and raised in. Then one day, I received two bad news with a couple of hours
in between. One was about something I had been working on for quite a while and counted
the days for it to be over; the other was about something that I was looking forward to,
dreamed about it constantly, keeping my hopes high.
Nevertheless, life goes on. There is a silver lining in everything. I'm not quite sure what lesson
I should derive from this, but it is what it is. It will get better. I will get better. I guess one
important thing to understand is that it's not about the place, or the people, it's about you.
And when I received those news, I just felt alone. I never relied on anybody to be honest,
I'm the one that people rely on. Which is fine. But maybe not anymore. I still don't
need anyone to be "there" for me, I raised myself to be an independent person when it
comes to dealing with things, I rather solve my own problems than try to explain what
is going on in my mind. No one really understands anyway, and you're lucky if you
receive any support. And people leave. Life goes on. Sure, it hurts, sometimes more so
than you expected. But you are your own person, and you know what is best for you.
They say "what you give is what you get", and I'm the living proof that it's not quite like
that. The people around you, your friends, your lovers, they will come and go. At the end
of the day, you will be alone. And that may be a scary thought, but it's the reality. The
sooner you face the music, the better. So you have to focus on yourself, because no one else
will. If it means that you have to cut ties with the people who got under your skin, so be it.
You don't need the manipulation, the toxicity, the confusion, the not-knowing. I promise you,
once you realize this, you will feel so much lighter. I know I do.
With that being said, I sense that my mind is already changing. I'm not quite sure if this is
just a phase, but I already feel different. All I know is that I am done with the fakeness of the
world, and being one of the last real people I know, I will put myself first and won't raise my
expectations when it comes to people. At the end, actions do speak louder than words.
Turns out I had a lot to get out of my chest, haha. As for my past few days, I've been meditating
and doing yoga consequently (#proud), I cut my hair one day out of nowhere (#yolo) and been
reading a lot (I also opened a book blog, not sure what to do with it though). I'm also putting
a little video for YouTube that shall be ready within a couple of days.
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