still here | ciao '21

 

  

No, this is not me coming back, I hardly ever miss blogging anymore. I am just fond of looking back and reminisce, thus this post. When hours don't seem to pass, another year is coming to an end, and safe to say that this year has been transformative. I am still learning to be an adult, whatever that means; and man, transitioning is brutal. Life is changing constantly, and me? I'm doing fine, I'm stronger than ever, and I'm making it on my own. At least I try, and at the end of the day, that's what matters. We'll get there. We will.

i am your black swan

 

  

It's getting cold in here, but I don't mind, it's not like I'm going out that much anyway. The days are shorter up here, and I'm lucky if the sun ever comes out. It sucks that I won't be able to travel back to Istanbul for the new year as my mom insistently told me not to because of Covid, but I'm hoping to go back in mid-January, I miss Istanbul and my family. Life here in Amsterdam is going well I'd say, I'm finally done with my thesis -hopefully for good, this time-, started an internship, and am still doing some soul-searching.

Ancora, Ancora, Ancora

 

It's so funny how the change of scenery can transform so much about you; your thoughts, your feelings, your whole being even is so connected to the environment you are that it's crazy to grasp the idea and not get affected by the atmosphere around you. Being back in Amsterdam feels right this time, like I've come "home" in a sense, even though I'm not sure if I'll feel the real meaning of that word. The weather has shifted from a heatwave into pouring rain and dull clouds, but oh well, welcome to the Northern Europe I guess.

wolkenreiter

mango glasses | topshop crop top | massimo dutti pants | vans sneakers

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Hola friends! As always, I've neglected my blog for almost a month. I'm back at Amsterdam where the heatwave is melting my skin, reading three books at once, meeting strangers and enjoying life. In a couple of weeks I'm hoping to have a clearer perspective on what my next couple of months here will look like, but until then, I'm trying to make the most of it. Here are some photos from my dad's place in Istanbul, I'll be back soon with more content and hopefully another video! Until then, stay safe, hydrated and happy. 

Serenity

  

I'm at my mom's place, up on the mountains, away from everything, with nothing much to do. Turns out, this place was what I needed the most, finally easing my pacing mind, bringing light to my soul. We went to Mount Ida two days ago, a beautiful scenery with the green and blue intertwined, the sound of the water accompanied by the chirping of the birds and the bugs. Total tranquility, total freedom, total serenity. Finally, I feel fine again, after a long time. I also had the inspiration to create a visual story for YouTube.

II

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One last week of struggling against resits, one last month of writing my thesis. Two more weeks in the Netherlands, then going back home. To my friends and family. To summer. Escaping life for just a little while, while I can, because god knows that I'm exhausted. Coming to the Netherlands didn't turn out the way I planned, drained my energy and changed me in a way I didn't see coming. But I'll take my time to re-build myself, like I always do. I hope you are staying safe and sound. I leave you with a midnight flow session.

14:56

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It's been forever again. Quarantine. Online examination. Worrying. Missing. Writing. Trying to eat healthy but failing miserably. Re-connecting. Day dreaming. Rotterdam. Books. Fantasy. Not my cup of tea. Thesis. Lost. Music. Cookies on the side. La Casa De Papel. Freud. Community. Friends. Love. Family. Isolation. Train rides. Wash your hands. Don't touch that. HouseParty. Facetime. Missed call. Whatsapp call. Safe. Healthy. In transition. Metamorphosis. Solitude. Small things. Compromise. Trying. Failing. Trying again.

Perspective

  2019 was not the best year of my life, quite frankly, it was one of the worst. I worked at a job I loathed, with lovely but corrupted people. I was struggling to keep my hopes high and get ready for a brand new life in Amsterdam, but the reality sucked so much. I had a huge fight on my first week here, and ever since then I've been completely shut out by my parents, I miss my friends back home and I honestly don't know what to do in the future. The best outcome? I've learnt to take baby steps for the first time in my life and appreciate the smallest things possible. 2020, I know it's not a clean slate but I'm so ready for you. See you in the next decade x

2050s

  Hello friends, happy December!! I have nothing to share really, because my life pretty much consists of studying hard core for my exams due in two weeks so wish me luck. After I'm done with my exams, my brother will be here until the first week of January. I'm also planning on getting back to youtube with new content; a very exciting thing is going to happen in next year's Spring, but more on that later. For now, I'll leave you with something I've written on my diary a couple of days ago. Keep warm x

Recap: Oct

  

So much for posting every 2 weeks right... It's harder than it seems, adjusting to a new life, a new climate and have a fresh start while being stuck in the past; making new friends and reconnecting with the old; trying to move forward while questioning the past. You'll know what I'm talking about, I promise. Instead of doing a Moodboard for November, I just wanted to glimpse back to the last month, where I felt like settling down (a teeny tiny bit) for the first time since I've moved to Amsterdam. So yeah, enjoy x

Touristing: Petra, Jordan

  

I know I promised to show more photos from our trip to Jordan 3 posts ago, but oh well, better late than ever. Now these photos were taken in our visit to Petra, an open air museum where we walked for a whole day, climbed stairs carved into soil and rocks for 45 minutes straight, and was breath-taken by the view, especially when we made it to the top. This was the most memorable part of our trip, and definitely the (only) place I would recommend for you to go if you want to go to Jordan. Scroll below for more x

Moodboard: October

  Happy first Monday of the new month! I was supposed to be crammed up on studying, but oh well, here I am, procrastinating as usual. The real Northern Europe weather has taken its toll on me for the last couple of days, school projects are almost over, and I have 2 exams coming up. On the bright side, one of my close friends is coming here in 3 days and a week later, my best friend will be in town. Below are my last endeavours, recommendations and self-notes. ps: I feel like posting new content every 2 weeks from now on.

I'll Go Back to the City Life

ZARA dress || NIKE air force

  Hoi!! from the last sunny day of the year. It turns out the Dutch weather is highly unpredictable and an umbrella happens to be an extension of your body. So yeah, I moved to Amsterdam, a fresh page, a clean slate, whatever you want to name it. I've dreamed about living abroad for so long, ever since I've tasted it back in my Erasmus period. I'm here for at least a year for my Masters degree in Marketing at VU. I'll just leave it at that for now and leave you with a couple of photos we took yesterday at the Oud-West.

Touristing: Amman, Jordan

  Happy Monday folks and my apologies in order for not posting anything last week. However, I'm sure I'll have enough content for a couple of blog posts as I'm in Jordan! We came here two nights ago and explored Amman yesterday, so this post is pretty fresh. As you're reading this, we'll hopefully be in Petra and Wadi Rum area, either enjoying the historical places or camping under the stars. Without further ado, here is a glimpse of our first day in Jordan, my first thoughts of the city along with some notes. Enjoy!

Something's Taking Over Me

Leather Jacket & Playsuit: TWIST | Belt: Zara | Earrings: MANGO | Boots: Instagramboutique

  Happy start of the week beautiful souls! I've decided to be a good blogger and make a post every Monday to hopefully inspire you along the week, and keep this platform more active. Last week, I started to take Poll Dancing classes and my legs still hurt, finished Montaigne and started reading Bulgakov, had a fight with my man and fell in love with him once again. I'm really looking forward to this week as my boyfriend will have his birthday on Wednesday. Hope you have a great week yourself x

Moodboard: January & February

  Since I neglected my blog during January, I decided to do a recap of the first month of the year along with February's plans and what I've been doing in these two months. Doing moodboards are becoming an essential part of my blog and I have to say that I love it, from finding the right photos that depict my feelings, to sitting down to brain storm and write what I'm going through each month, my blog is also transforming into an online diary. Without further ado, read more about what I've been doing since the beginning of 2019.

This is From Matilda

Earrings: ZARA | Hat: ASOS | Top: INSTAGRAM SHOP | Skirt: TRENDYOL | Boots: BERSHKA

  Being back with an outfit post, and this post being the first in 2k19 feels great; and I should thank my boyfriend who kindly insisted to take my pictures, stating that he knows my best features. This outfit was something I've put together for a friend's birthday a couple of months ago, and I have Istanbul's great weather to thank for being able to wear something like this and not freeze my ass of in January. I promise to come back with more content in the near future, as great things are happening and I can't wait to share it here x

2018 Recap | The Lessons, The Good & The Bad

  2018 has started as any other year, but evolved into a transformational year where I've discovered many things about myself, explored the world some more, put myself in the darkest places and came out the strongest. I fell in love, graduated from college, realized the meaning of friendship, found myself a job and got fired (not once, but actually twice). Now, 2019 stands in front of me like a haze, and I feel both levitated and scared to experience yet another year. Here is a glimpse back of the past 365 days of my twothousandeighteen.

Te Souviens-Tu?

Earrings: MANGO | Top: THRIFTED | Skirt: MISSGUIDED | Coat: PULL&BEAR | Bag: DIOR | Boots: BAMBI 

  

It's been a little over a month, but I feel like a complete different person, with a completely different course of life and a brand new perspective. And I had to learn it the hard way this time, and still I couldn't be more grateful. A whole another post deserves the depths of this brand new persona that I've become and it shall come soon, but today, I wanted to show you rather an outfit that I wore to a fancy dinner date. It was our 11th month with my boyfriend, and need I say that it was the best 11 months of my entire life?

Mood Board: October

  I never thought I'd ever write a blog post from the office. Yup, you heard it right. Your blogger has entered the adult world exactly a month ago, and still can't keep up with the pace of it. I guess that's mainly the reason why I've skipped September's mood board as I was trying to survive the days of constant rain with my added lack of energy and moodiness. But I feel like I'm more at ease now that the weather is somewhat settled to its usual pace, as well as thanks to my biological clock getting more used to waking up at the dawn.